Slow Is The New Fast: Why Self-Care Is Essential and Pleasure Is a Nervous System Resource

Self-care is something we hear a lot about, but in reality it can be surprisingly difficult to make space for or feel justified doing. Most of us know, at least in theory, that we need enough sleep, time to rest, nourishing food, movement, connection and boundaries. Yet modern life often makes these simple things feel anything but simple.

There are so many demands competing for our attention. Work, parenting, finances, household responsibilities, relationships, appointments, health concerns, emails, messages and the constant stream of information coming through our phones can make life feel very full. Even when we technically have some down time, that time is often filled with scrolling, watching, replying or catching up on everything that has been left undone.

Self-care can then become something we hope to fit in once everything else has been taken care of.

The problem is that everything else is rarely finished.

From a somatic and nervous system perspective however, self-care is not an indulgence or an optional extra. It is part of what helps us stay resourced enough to meet the demands of our lives.

What that means is that when we have enough rest, support, connection and pleasurable experiences, we generally have more capacity to cope with stress, think clearly, be present in our relationships and respond to challenges without becoming overwhelmed as quickly. But this isn't something that happens overnight, especially if we have been in chronic overdrive, overwhelm or stress for a long time.

Our nervous system can become very familiar with these states and, even when they are exhausting or unsupportive, familiarity itself can begin to feel more predictable and therefore safe..

This may sound like a paradox or even crazy, but resting or moving into a more nourished and resourced state may initially feel uncomfortable or unsettling. It may sound counterintuitive, but for a nervous system that has spent a long time braced for what is next, ease can sometimes take time to become familiar too.

This is why learning to slow down and be present is such an important first step, and where the idea of “slow is fast” begins to make sense. Slowing down gives the nervous system a chance to recover, build capacity and become more familiar with states of feeling settled, resourced and regulated.. In turn, this can support greater focus, clarity and effectiveness when we return to the things that need our attention. And this is where slowing down can actually help us do more, rather than less. When we are constantly rushing or switching between tasks, our attention becomes scattered and we can spend a great deal of energy trying to hold too many things at once.

We may be constantly doing, but are we really getting all that much done?

In this sense, creating more space can help us move through life more effectively and efficiently, and if you are anything like me, that is pretty good motivation to get curious about making more room for it.

Why self-care can be difficult even when we know we need it

There is often a temptation to reduce self-care to discipline. We tell ourselves we should go to bed earlier, spend less time on our phones, say no more often or make more time for exercise. Then, when we do not follow through, we assume we have failed.

Usually it is more complicated than that.

For example, someone might know they need more sleep but still stay up late because the evening is the only time they have to themselves. A parent may struggle to create time for pleasure because caring for everyone else has become their default mode, and guilt can arise at even the thought of prioritising their own pleasure. On top of this, someone who is used to being highly productive may find that doing nothing, slowing down or resting creates discomfort rather than relief.

Our habits often meet a need, even if they are no longer serving us particularly well. Understanding that can help us approach change with more curiosity and less criticism. The aim is not to overhaul your entire life.

It is to notice where small shifts could create more support.

Technology and the disappearance of empty space 

That brings me to one of the possibly least resourcing parts of our current day life, technology. One of the biggest changes in modern life is how little unoccupied time we have.

Phones have filled almost every small gap in the day. We check them while waiting, walking, eating, waking, resting and going to bed. Social media, news, streaming and messages can provide an endless source of stimulation.

There is nothing inherently wrong with technology, and it is unrealistic to suggest we should remove it from our lives. What can be useful is noticing whether we are using it intentionally or whether it has started to use more of our time and attention than we would like.

Those small spaces that used to exist throughout the day are actually valuable. They give the nervous system an opportunity to settle and give us a chance to notice ourselves. When every pause is filled with input, it is easy to lose touch with subtler signals such as tiredness, tension, hunger, emotional shifts or the need for space.

You might notice, for example, whether picking up your phone in the evening genuinely helps you relax or whether you often feel more wired afterwards. You may find that scrolling has become an automatic response to boredom, stress or discomfort. Simply becoming aware of this pattern can begin to create more choice.

Practical changes can be very simple: charging your phone outside the bedroom, leaving it away from the table while eating, creating a screen-free half hour before bed, or choosing one part of the day where you are not available online. The point is not to create another strict rule. It is to reclaim some of your attention.

Pleasure is part of self-care

Pleasure is often associated with sexuality, but it is much broader than that. It can be anything that creates a genuine sense of enjoyment, ease, connection or aliveness in the body. Noticing pleasure in our daily lives is one of the greatest resources we have. It is almost always accessible, it is deeply personal to us, and so often it is completely free.

This might be sitting in the sun, swimming, music, food, gardening, touch, movement, laughter, a hot shower, time in nature, creativity or being with someone you feel comfortable around.  It’s about being present in these moments, noticing, allowing it in.

When life becomes heavily focused on responsibility and productivity, pleasure can start to feel unnecessary or even selfish. Yet pleasurable experiences can be deeply supportive. They give us a break from constant effort and remind the body that life contains more than pressure, obligation and problem-solving.

Pleasure can also help us become more connected to sensation. This matters because body awareness is part of how we recognise our needs, limits, preferences and boundaries.

If life feels very busy, it can help to stop thinking of pleasure as something that requires a large amount of time. Five or ten minutes of something that feels genuinely nourishing can be more valuable than waiting for the perfect free afternoon that never arrives.

Making self-care realistic

Self-care needs to fit the life you actually have.

There will be periods where there is simply less time and capacity. Parenting, illness, work demands, financial stress, grief and other major life circumstances can make elaborate routines unrealistic.

During those times, the most supportive approach is often to look for the easiest possible point of entry.

You might choose one of the following:

• go to bed 20 or 30 minutes earlier on a few nights each week

• create one phone-free meal each day, or no phones during meals

• take ten minutes outside without listening to anything

• say no to one commitment that you do not have capacity for

• take a short walk without using the time to make calls or catch up on messages

• create a simple wind-down ritual before bed, such as tea, stretching, reading or self-massage

• schedule time for something pleasurable rather than waiting for spare time to appear

Small steps are more sustainable because they do not require you to become a completely different person overnight.

Looking at where your time goes

Many people genuinely have very limited free time, but most of us also have areas where time disappears without us consciously choosing it.

This may be scrolling, watching several episodes of something, repeatedly checking emails or moving between apps throughout the day. None of these things are automatically a problem. What matters is whether they are giving you what you actually need.

Sometimes what looks like rest is actually more stimulation.

You may find it useful to look at your screen time for a few days without judgment and simply notice the pattern. If several hours are being absorbed by activities that leave you feeling flat or scattered, that can be an opportunity to reclaim even a small portion of that time.

The aim is not to fill that reclaimed time with more productivity. It could be used for rest, sleep, connection, movement, pleasure or simply doing less.  Because going slow is the new fast! Say it with me….Slow is the new fast!

Somatic ways to support yourself

Somatic self-care is less about adding another task and more about creating moments where you come back into relationship with your body.

A very simple practice is visual orienting. Take a moment to slowly look around the space you are in and allow your eyes to land on things that feel pleasant or neutral. Notice colours, shapes, light and movement. This can help bring attention out of mental busyness and back into the present environment.

Grounding can also be very simple. Notice where your body is supported by the floor, chair, bed or wall. Feel the weight of your feet or the back of your body. You do not need to force yourself to relax. Just notice the support that is already there.

Gentle movement can be useful too, particularly if sitting still does not feel good. Swaying, rocking, stretching, rolling the shoulders or walking can help release some of the build-up that comes from being physically and mentally braced throughout the day.

Supportive touch is another option. A hand over the chest, on the belly, around the arms or at the back of the neck can sometimes create a sense of comfort and connection. As with any somatic practice, the important thing is not to assume what should feel good. Notice what your body actually responds to.

Creating structure can help

One of the most useful ways to make self-care sustainable is to stop leaving it entirely to chance.

If your calendar is always filled by everything else first, there may never be space left.

This does not mean scheduling every minute of your life. It may simply mean protecting one morning, one evening or one hour each week. It might mean deciding that Sunday afternoon is not for errands, or that work messages stop at a certain time.

Boundaries can be an important part of this. Sometimes self-care looks less like a bath or a yoga class and more like saying, “I can’t take that on,” or “I need some time before I answer.”

Creating space often requires deciding what will not fill that space.

Self-care as an ongoing relationship

Self-care changes with different seasons of life. What supports you now may not be what you need next year, or even next month. The most important part is developing the ability to notice when you are becoming depleted and having enough flexibility to respond.

There will be periods where you feel well-resourced and times where life stretches you more. The aim is not to stay perfectly regulated or to perform self-care correctly. It is to recognise that your own wellbeing deserves a place within the structure of your life.

As you build a stronger foundation of noticing and allowing pleasure, it becomes a resource that is easier to access and can help expand your capacity to stay present with life, even when things feel challenging. The more supported your nervous system is, the more capacity you have to meet what is happening without becoming depleted so quickly.

Rest, pleasure, boundaries, connection and moments of presence are not separate from the work we need to do. They support our ability to do that work without continuously draining ourselves in the process.

Sometimes creating more capacity is not about pushing harder. It is about giving the body and nervous system enough space to recover, reconnect and come back to life.

What is one achievable act of self-care you could bring into your life this week?